Wait before you fly off the handle, let's rephrase it Don't Be A Nice Guy should be Don't Be A Timid Guy! Or don't be...
behaving or done in an obsequious way in order to gain advantage.
synonyms: obsequious, servile, subservient, deferential, grovelling, toadying, fawning, flattering, ingratiating, cringing, unctuous, oily, slimy, creeping, crawling, truckling, slavish, bowing and scraping, Uriah Heepish, gushing;
Interesting side note, to a lesser degree the nice guy has been condemned in Hollywood movies: The 40 Year Old Virgin, Just Friends are some of the quintessential "nice guy" films, exemplifying invisibility, subservience and weakness.
This is What We Mean
So, Nice Guys oftentimes (always) get shunned to the hellish limbo known as the friend zone initially because they’re not very attractive, which is why they try to overcompensate for their shortcomings by being excessively attentive to a woman's every whim without being asked to do so. And by being this way, they think their fake thoughtfulness will get them out of the friend zone and straight into her panties, but sadly, it always backfires.
By all means be a good guy! open doors, be gracious, respect others, do good deeds, be a gentleman at all times and above all be a nice human, DO ALL OF THAT GOOD SHIT!! Don't be a dick HELL NO that's not what we are saying...
The trouble may be in how we use the term nice. It's generally defined as a constellation of traits that prioritize kindness, conscientiousness, warmth, and respect—but when it comes to romantic interest, nice can be a shorthand antonym for bold, strong, or sexy, instead meaning “needy, weak, predictable, boring, inexperienced, and unattractive” (Herold & Milhausen, 1999).
Once again this term has been misinterpreted on the internet as seen by the quote below...
The researchers found that being selfless gave men a better chance with a woman if she was looking for something long term. The findings support previous studies that say altruism is desirable to women, because it means an individual is more likely to be supportive and because altruistic men are more likely to be better fathers.
Take a Look At Yourself, Are You A "Nice Guy?"
- Weak (assertiveness, spineless sense) ?
- Someone who avoids confrontation?
- A doormat (a pushover) ?
- One to never leave your comfort zone?
- Always following rules?
- Very predictable?
- Very Agreeable?
- Worried about offending someone?
- Low on self esteem?
- Not taking control of your life?
- A person that has no standards?
- Easily manipulated?
- Invisible in a group situation?
Be A Good Guy Not A Nice Guy
Don’t go on the other side or the extreme of nice and be something you’re not: the so called stereotype "a bad boy". Bad boys are straight up selfish wankers that worship that stupid book called "The Game" and treat it as gospel on how to pick up chix m8 (incidentally the author who created it: Neil Straus has since denounced what he penned 10 years ago, read more here)
Bad boys have an expiration date, meaning women tire of them quickly before they’re disposed of. Basically don't be something you're not, try to be in the middle neither obsequious nor incredibly awful.
A man who has a strong identity and knows who he is will stick with it. One of the strongest driving forces in human psychology is staying true to how you identify yourself. “I AM…” What comes after those words? If you are an athlete, your identity drives you to get up, lace up, and work out every morning — because you are an athlete. If you are an avid reader, the second one book gets finished you will be on to the next one, because you are an avid reader.
Feel good about yourself, treat others with respect and have a backbone, be a man with ethics, morals and directional fortitude. Sail your own ship and when you do that, the ladies will follow.
Good luck, we know you can do it...
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